GAAAAHHH!

I am twitchy! I haven't had any mountain dew for over a month, and I had some tonight to stay awake through my 3 hour Systems Engineering lecture online. I am having problems slowing my blinking! I <3 Mtn. Dew, as many of you know, but this stuff is probably going to kill me eventually.

This class is sooo boring. Each week, the prof. reviews the goals of the class and the syllabus that he passed out a month ago for the first hour. Then, he went into questions that people had asked during the week that he had answered. We were given the file that held them all earlier today, so I'd already looked through them. At the point that we started with new material, we'd been going for over an hour and a half. I'm slightly disappointed. At least the class seems to be easy. I'm not looking forward to the "academically challenging" homework that the prof keeps refering to during class.

Oh yeah, and one of the other things causing my general malaise right now: MORE LAYOFFS! w00t! They already trimmed the fat. Now they're cutting away the meat. The only reason this would be good for me is because I would end up gaining a nice sized lump sum out of it from $ they owe me over the next few years. If I stay for 3 years, I get to keep that stuff. If I leave on my own, I don't get it. If they lay me off... CASH MONEY, M*F*K*R's! I think I would move back to Nebraska and lie about for a bit in the snow. Then my Dad would come out and kick me until I went and got a job. Thanks, Dad, for all the positive encouragement you've given me throughout the years. I might just stay here and apply at NASA, or another company a friend of mine is talking about. I do still have the lease going here at my apartment anyway. But anyway, this may be why I don't make any plans to travel for a while. We should find out from management on 16 February at the latest. The good part about the company is that after they let you know, you're still employed for 60 days. It's actually just a notice, and there is a possibility that someone else leaving could give you back your spot. The last day is, get this, 20 April, and yes, the end of the day would have to be around 4:20 that day. That carries too many different meanings for one link.

As of that day though, I will, or will not, be buying a plane ticket to Philadelphia(& back) for the end of March sometime. One of my friends here offered to put me up for a few days while she visits family in New Jersey, and I can explore the countryside. This is awesome, because in about a day, I could visit 3 states that I haven't gotten to yet. I just hope my employer sees fit to keep me around and allow me to afford that trip.

I went to the opera Saturday to see Faust, which my friend was actually in, albeit as a supernumary. It was pretty cool, but also... well let's say I'm not that in to opera. Sunday I watched the Super Bowl, as is required by my American Male Red Blood. I was going for the Not-Bears because I knew too many bandwagon fans.

Finally, to answer the generally third-most-burning-question asked of me, No, I am still unattached. No woman I have found interesting enough to have a twenty minute conversation/staring contest with has burrowed her way into my heart. Which reminds me, what are you doing for Valentine's Day, Beautiful?

Lacking Foregiveness

So I haven't had much go all that wrong in my life that wasn't already. Therefore I have less to complain about, and a better life overall, and less to blog about.

I'm figuring more out at work, and starting to understand all the stuff I have to know about my job. "They" say it takes a year to become a useful employee, and it's only been six months, but I had a goal of being fully competent by year's end. Well that passed, and I didn't meet that goal, but I'm on track for the one year competency, so that's good. Still worried about another lay-off, though, and that's a bummer. The only consolation is that I wouldn't have to pay for anything they've already given me if that's what they decide to do, and I could still apply at NASA, with a reasonable hope of getting my dream job.

Class is going just fine, I guess. We've only had one meeting so far, and the prof wants us to WebEx in for the rest of the classes so he can ask us questions in real-time. w00t! Now I can't really watch my class whenever I want, I've gotta watch it 8:30-11:10 now, which isn't really that bad, but whatever. Russian class is going pretty well, actually. There's only one guy that is doing better than me, and he's motivated by going to Russia in a month, whereas there's almost no need for me to learn the language. I'm quickly on my way to becoming sort of trilingual. I need to go and get re-imersed in a Spanish speaking situation, unlike the last five years of my life.

When I'm not working or studying, I'm actually hanging out with people now. That's a bit refreshing. Granted, when I got here, I had expected that I'd be hanging out with people every night, like when I was an intern. Now people have lives, and I hadn't prepared for that, myself. Now that I have my own life, there's plenty to do, so I don't feel bored all the time. I've even been reading more, for pleasure! Not just to figure out my next move in the stock market, or improve my abilities at work, or to understand just why the rest of the world hates us!

So life's going alright for me now.

I still wish I were back in Omaha though.

dreams

ever have one of those dreams that make no sense? I had one the other night.

In the dream I wake up and I'm in my bed, but it's not the bed I've got now, nor my apartment. There's a pretty girl lying next to me. Brunette, shapely, dark tanned skin, and her bare back is turned to me. I search my mind for who she is and how I know her. Kristin? Katelyn? Cherrie? I remember meeting her the night before at the bar of some dark night club with thumping bass and blue lighting. My thoughts stray to something I have to do today...

It's pretty early on my wedding day. An image of a tall, thin blonde with green eyes crosses my mind. I suddenly realize I don't love the woman at the altar. I need to get the hell out. Fear grips my chest and I can't breathe, but I'm rushing around to get things together, aka pants. I seem to take no time doing this, or at least it's unimportant for the future memory. I then grab a white shirt and plow through the living room, past the kitchen. It's all post modern styling in blue and purple with white carpeting. I yank open the door to a bright sunny day and hustle across the dusty parking lot towards my car, leaving the front door of my place open.

I jump into this old school red corvette, turn the key, and jet outta there. I look back at my place and it's in this little run-down motel in podunk nowhere. The tires kick up a shower of dirt and gravel as I swerve onto the two lane highway and head north. It might be California, or Nevada or Mexico for all I can tell. I don't know where I'm going, but I am leaving!

And then I wake up. Right here, alone, in my bland and sparsely decorated apartment, woken up by the alarm in my cell phone. I've gotta get showered, get dressed, and get some breakfast down my gullet before I go in my grand am to work on software.

I wish I could live my dreams.